Forever 35

Do you fear the thought of dying? Have you even thought about it? How will the kids be?


The thought of death had never worried me until yesterday, the not being here for my children and watching them grow up and seeing what direction they take in their lives.


I understand people die all the time, but when it is someone that you grew up with and someone that is your age with a young family it really hits home. My head was a fireball of questions yesterday and I definitely went through every emotions possible.


I was sad and hurt that my best friend from childhood had passed away leaving behind 3 young children and a husband. I was angry that the universe had taken someone with the biggest heart and a smile that would light a room up when you walked into it.


My heart aches for your 2 boys and lil girl who can't tell you that they love you and cuddle you and share those precious moments with you that we all take for granted. 


Your husband who has lost his soul mate, and life companion... 


For your mum and dad having to bury their child. Ohh Di and Tony the lump in my throat, and the sick feeling I get in my stomach... I am sending you all hugs through the universe.  


We had only spoken not long ago about our families catching up, and man I wish we had organised it, just to reminisce about the good old days of us, hanging out , and singing songs, and playing together and being inseparable and trying to stay awake as long as we could, and the fun ute rides that we use to have with dad taking us around on his water run.


My children saw me vulnerable yesterday, but gave me the love that I needed. I am pretty sure by the end of the day they were sick of me telling them how much I loved them and giving them kisses and hugs, but I just needed to reassure them that I do love them.... because you never know what could happen tomorrow. I am not ready to leave them, I have so much more protecting to do, and so much more I want to experience with them, and so much more that I want to teach them...


Life is precious and life is a gift that we all take for granted and can change in heart beat.... But for you Mish you will be forever 35 and for ever missed. You will never be forgotten and your memory will live on in your 3 beautiful children, who will do you proud and I know that you will be watching and protecting from above.  


You have made me want to be the best that I can..... The love that you had for your family and friends has inspired me to want to be a better person, to my friends and my family and especially my boys!! The happiness that shone through on your posts and photos was contagious....  


Heaven has received another beautiful angel to watch over us. 


      


  

We all start from somewhere

We all have to start somewhere!!


Its no secret that I have struggled with my weight my whole entire life, those close to me know that... I have tried so many different exercise routines, weight loss programs, shakes, pills.... My weight has gone up and down and up and down and round and round.


Its no secret that posting these pictures have made me want to punch the wall a hundred times and I don't know how many times I have told myself your an idiot ness for letting yourself get to this point AGAIN!!!! when I took these pictures I weighed myself. I am the heaviest I have been since I had my first child 12 year ago! I cried, and I dwelled and I ate a few more blocks of chocolates because really what's another block of white chocolate!

But I decided that while I am recre8thing myself I am not going to worry about the scales Its just a fucking number.. And as long as I feel healthy and I am happy with my progress then that is all that matters.

I did take my measurements though and I will do them on a monthly basis!
My starting measurements are: Drum Roll ................

arms: 39.5 cm

Chest : 128cm
Waist: 130cm

Legs: 71cms

Hips: 129

 

I am my own worst enemy and I battle with myself everyday. Emotionally and Mentally!! I have struggled mentally in the past, and its a rollercoaster ride! I have always found that exercise has helped with my mental state. I am a single mother who has two beautiful crazy boys aged 12 and 5... Besides doing this for myself I need to do this for them because they are very active boys and at present I find it difficult to even kick the football with them let alone chase after them on the football field.

None of my clothes fit me anymore, and everyday I pull everything out of my cupboard and put it on my bed and go through the piles of clothes that once fitted me, and go oh I will put that on.. Ohhh derr that's right you cant even get that top over your boobs..... But i know one day sooner rather than later it will go over my boobs and I will be able to tell myself that I have accomplished this on my own. Onwards and Upwards Right??? '

I know that there are going to be days when I just want to devour that block of white chocolate and drink my chocolate milkshake!! But I have just have to be head strong and remind myself what my end goal is!!!  

Ohhh what is my end goal??? I think this will keep changing as i progress through this process. But i think right now for me is to not take on too much all at once and focus on making healthier eating choices and getting myself in the garage at least 3 times a week to exercise even if its only for 30 minutes!! Its better than nothing!! I will give those 30 minutes my 150%.

Im really putting myself out there with these photos but I need to remind myself everyday where am i coming from.. and where am I wanting to go!!! 

I can do this.... And I hope you can follow and support my journey and be there with me through all the ups and downs that come with it!!   

Ness xx      

Workout at home

I bit the bullet and did my first session at home tonight in the garage... bloody hell it was a killer and I felt every part of it but man I feel good now...

I did 3x running to the end of my drive way and back
3x 20 squats

3x running to the end of my drive way and back
3x push ups on the bar
3x 10 each arm single arm kettle bell swings

3x run to the end of the drive way and back
3x 10 overhead press
3x triceps arm extension with a band

3x run to end of drive way and back
3 x 20 leg ski (can't think of what they are called )

My plan is to slowly work my way back into doing at least 5 times a week but until then I gunna do every second day to build myself up...

I'm saving my pennies to buy some little things for the garage..... but I am happy to work with the kettle bell and bar bell and body weight exercises to get me through

Happy days
Xxx